A Good Eye

"Looking for the good in horses is something I've always done. Over the years, I've come to discover I need to do the same thing for humans too." - Tom Dorrance

Did you know the human brain is naturally inclined to spot the bad? This phenomenon is known as negativity bias. The reason we are more inclined to spot negative patterns of behavior and hold onto those memories is based in survival instinct. The brain quickly picks up on negative patterns because it's trying to protect you from getting hurt. This is an important instinct to have when dealing with actual life and death situations, but it can become maladaptive when we find ourselves obsessing or ruminating over all the negative emotions and experiences of every day life.

When it comes to our horses, I wonder if we sometimes fixate on the bad, on all the ways we want them to change and improve, and overlook the good. I wonder if we do the same thing to ourselves. We live in a culture that is obsessed with "success". It's never enough to be good at something, you have to be the best. We are inundated with messages like: Try harder. Do more. Be better. And the more we compare ourselves to others, the more we end up feeling like we are falling short of some standard or expectation.

Don't get me wrong, learning and growing should always be a part of our horsemanship journey. When you stop learning, you start dying as the old saying goes. But maybe we should ask ourselves if our efforts to improve are motivated by fear rather than joy. Fear that we aren't enough. Fear that our horse is too far behind where other people's horses are at in their training. Fear that we won't measure up to a particular clinician, trainer, or judge's expectations. Fear can be a motivator to a certain extent, but joy is always a healthier one.

A few years back I took a Hebrew class for fun. (yes, I am a nerd) As a follower of Jesus, I find it interesting to dive deeper into the Jewish roots of my Christian faith. One of the Jewish rabbincal concepts I learned about was something called ayin tovah (a good eye) and ayin ra'ah (a bad eye). To look at the world with a good eye is to have a postive outlook on life. It represents someone who chooses to be kind, generous, and thoughtful of others. A person who has a good eye looks for the good in the world and the people around them. They give people the benefit of the doubt. They don't take things personally. To look at the world with a bad eye is to have a negative outlook on life that is charaterized by selfishness, criticism, and a judgmental attitude. A person who has a bad eye looks for the bad in the world and in the people they meet. They assume people are out to get them. They live with a scarcity mindset; there isn't enough in the world therefore I have to take everything I can for myself.

In the process of learning about this rabbinical concept I heard a quote that has stuck with me: "What you look for you will find." (Marty Solomon) If you look for the good in the world you will find it. If you look for the bad, you will find that too. This concept applies to our horses. If we look for the growth, the ways they are improving, the effort they put in, we will find it. If we look for their flaws, their shortcomings, and the ways they aren't where we think they should be, we will find that too.

So what if we saw our horses with a good eye? What if we intentionally chose to see the good in them and in ourselves? I don't think having a good eye means that we ignore the areas we need to grow in. I don't think it means we don't set goals or have things to work towards. I think having a good eye means we can acknowledge that we have room to grow while simultaneously appreciating where we are at. We learn from a place of excitement and joy, not from a place of fear or anxiety. Maybe having a good eye would allow us to better meet our horses where they are at. Maybe it would help us to accept and appreciate them for who they are as unique individuals. Maybe it would help us to get better at rewarding the try. Maybe it would help us to go at the pace the horse needs, rather than the pace we think they should go.

It's okay to be where you are at in your horsemanship journey. It's okay to not know everything (even the best experts don't). Train your brain to spot the good. When you reflect on a session with your horse, acknoweldge what went right not just what went wrong. Celebrate your wins. Set your goals. Chase your dreams. And most importantly, do it all from a place a joy! Remember, if you have the privilege of being with a horse? You're already winning, before you ever start training.